I was remembering the early days after D. pulled me, kicking and screaming, from my closet. I drove lots and lots of miles to any gay gathering I could think of. Lots of time on AIM. I really did think Prince Charming was somewhere just around the corner.
I think I'm saner now. I haven't had a decent AIM conversation for weeks and weeks. Prince Charming found a partner in 1976, so he won't be at any meetings.
The Ohio GCN folk had a get-together a few weeks ago, and I had to choose between that and a church banquet. I chose the church. Another GCN thing happens this weekend, and I might find myself at the church's bowling evening (first men's recreational get-together in about eight years).
Someone will ask why I've given up on the idea of finding a date. Part of it, of course, is simple availability. It's insane to keep pining for a guy when there are so few to choose from. Like six. Part of it, though, is that I'm simply facing the fact that a decade of living alone has made me totally unfit for a relationship.
Let me give you an example. Yesterday was sort of a "day off" (but not really). Here's how I filled it:
- Got up at 9 and did lesson plans until noon. No breakfast.
- Lunch and an antique shop with a friend.
- Paper grading in the afternoon. Dinner was an apple, a chunk of cheese, and a couple of brownies. Yes, I found time to bake brownies while grading papers.
- Went to the gym at 8 p.m. and returned at 10.
- More school work until midnight.
I think one of the advantages of aging is that we finally learn that we really can live alone. We have to. The kids always have a large contingent, but the old guys? This afternoon, I grade 15 papers (in a small, windowless office) then go home, make some dinner, and back to the gym. My life is pretty full after all, and I really don't have the time or energy to invest in a lot of cruising or desperate trolling for a date on a Personals website.
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