Spring break is over

I never get a real spring break. One school goes out for a week, then the other goes. The result is two weeks of half-time work. It's always kind of dreadful. For one thing, I usually collect a major paper just before they leave, which means I've got a stack of papers (and guilt). I have a terrible time getting around to grading during those times, and usually postpone it. On the other hand, I don't usually go out and have any fun either. More like sitting around the apartment, feeling guilty that I haven't done much with the schoolwork and feeling lonely too.

Glad it's over. Sanity is back, and so is some pleasant weather.

Re-Reading

Now that I'm finally finished with Harry Potter, I need new bedtime reading, so I picked up (again) Mr. Right Is Out There: A Gay Man's Guide to Finding and Maintaining Love. Just for the record, I do generally appreciate books written by psychiatrists—they are often really sane, gentle books.

Anyhow, I've tried to get through Mr. Right more than once. I love its lyrical view of the positive side of actually leaving loneliness and finding someone. The author doesn't seem to think that it's inevitable for me to simply sit here alone on a Saturday evening, polishing my shoes and wishing for someone to talk with. He doesn't buy the "too old" idea, nor even the "nobody within 60 miles" notion (both of which seem transparently obvious to me).

I've tried the book more than once, as I said. I usually bog down about page 60 or so. He's got a lot of practical exercises, and I usually run aground when he wants me to find a typical gay venue and actually go and initiate a conversation. Maybe I'll just blast past that one. Maybe I'll settle for talking with the guy behind the counter at Angel Falls and count that as fulfilling the requirement.

Dating update

Nope.

I was remembering the early days after D. pulled me, kicking and screaming, from my closet. I drove lots and lots of miles to any gay gathering I could think of. Lots of time on AIM. I really did think Prince Charming was somewhere just around the corner.

I think I'm saner now. I haven't had a decent AIM conversation for weeks and weeks. Prince Charming found a partner in 1976, so he won't be at any meetings.

The Ohio GCN folk had a get-together a few weeks ago, and I had to choose between that and a church banquet. I chose the church. Another GCN thing happens this weekend, and I might find myself at the church's bowling evening (first men's recreational get-together in about eight years).

Someone will ask why I've given up on the idea of finding a date. Part of it, of course, is simple availability. It's insane to keep pining for a guy when there are so few to choose from. Like six. Part of it, though, is that I'm simply facing the fact that a decade of living alone has made me totally unfit for a relationship.

Let me give you an example. Yesterday was sort of a "day off" (but not really). Here's how I filled it:

1. Got up at 9 and did lesson plans until noon. No breakfast.
2. Lunch and an antique shop with a friend.
3. Paper grading in the afternoon. Dinner was an apple, a chunk of cheese, and a couple of brownies. Yes, I found time to bake brownies while grading papers.
4. Went to the gym at 8 p.m. and returned at 10.
5. More school work until midnight.

Who on earth could ever fit into that life? I scarcely have time to water my plants.

I think one of the advantages of aging is that we finally learn that we really can live alone. We have to. The kids always have a large contingent, but the old guys? This afternoon, I grade 15 papers (in a small, windowless office) then go home, make some dinner, and back to the gym. My life is pretty full after all, and I really don't have the time or energy to invest in a lot of cruising or desperate trolling for a date on a Personals website.

Return of the blogs

As you can see, I have trouble blogging. It's lack of a sense of audience, I think.

I have a bunch of them, though. One is sort of a "Freshman Survival" blog; another (totally inactive) was supposed to be for adjunct faculty at Ashland University (but they don't care to communicate with one another). Etc.

I've always worried about people finding out too much, since these blogs are all linked at the "owner" level, and I'm not out to everyone. Finally thought of the answer (duh!) and simply registered as a new person for the family/church blog. And there I'll have a very complete biography, my full real name, and all that. Very open and public.

All this got started because a friend got me into Facebook and I realized how shallow and dead-end the thing is. I need to say more. And I'm following a blog that's smart and fun, and won't work on Facebook either.

So I hope I'm back.